Today, I bought a piece of furniture for myself, to store stuff in. This matters because, well, the only furniture I have bought, for me, in my life has been: 1) a filing cabinet when 18, 2) a bed frame when 25, and 3) a table when 25, and 4) a table when 29. The total cost of all those together was about $260.
Now studio furniture is another matter. In that case I have bought 1) a workstation desk, 2) a console desk, 3) a side credenza, 4) a chair, all of which totalled around $2700.
See the desparity there?
Now, I’ve also made furniture. An etagere for megan, a bookcase a little after that. I made that all from cheap lumber, maybe I spent $150 total. But for my studio, I’ve built well over $400 worth of furniture for.
Here is the issue: If it’s for work, I will fucking obliterate the need with money. However, if it’s for me, at home, I will not even spend anything, if possible.
The truth is, this thing I recently bought, a chest of drawers essentially, is the first dresser I’ve had in…. 12 years.
Why? I have no fucking clue. But I do know it has something to do with a lack of self-love. I can’t tell you how many pieces of furniture I have assembled for signifigant others in my life. But I can tell you, I’ve realized that perhaps, it’s time, to grow up a bit, and have some furniture.
I think a big part of it is my tendency towards minimalism. Or atleast that is what it seems like. But that doesn’t make sense with the way I approach studio stuff. I think the big reason for the desparity is a sense of value: For work, I will expend effort, but for myself, I will learn to make do without. And that is kind of fucked up.
Being a self-releasing musician, I’ve just learned to put all my money into art. And much of the time, very little is left over for me, leaving what I wear, and what I live around, to be left up to whats left from others, or a charity case for those that want to ‘help’.
Anyhow, it’s just something I’ve been thinking about lately. Something I am trying to change. Not because people need more stuff, or I need more stuff. But because it seems like it’s done out of a lack of respect for myself.