Essays

A collection writings and thoughts by artist Gary Llama.

Lost in The Chase

My super awesome ex-wife found these vaccum tubes the other day while cleaning and dropped them off with me. Looking at them, I was reminded of the way life worked when I was younger.

The way it worked was this: Chase.

Something not working right? Chase down the solution. Chase it down at night. Chase it down during the day. Chase it down all year. Better yet, chase better, chase smarter, in some hope that it may lead to less chasing in the long run.

The problem? After about three or four years of chasing things down, you realize that, sometime while you were chasing, life happened. And all you are left with is some misgivings about what you could have done, and two little pieces of glass that may be worth something to people whom are chasing as well.

I got lost in the chase, and it’s like a zero sum game for folks that cannot be present.

As a new father, I hope I spend the least amount of time lost in the chase as possible, and the most amount of time present, with my spouse and daughter, being a helpful person in their lives.

And it’s not just about chasing vacuum tubes that mean something to people on ebay. It’s also about not getting lost chasing other things; songs, art, hell, even blog posts like this about not getting lost in things. As I’m sitting here, my daughter let me know she needed me, and I left, tended to her, and am back. Someone lost in the chase would have asked for a few more minutes to not break the train of thought.

Why do we get lost in the chase?

I think it’s fear. Fear of our train of thought getting derailed, and lack of confidence in our ability to resume it later. And perhaps, a crushing need of validation now, heaped on top of it.

These are difficult waters to navigate, and this navigation is something I struggle with daily. Perhaps I will write a little more about it as I encounter more examples that pop up.

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Llamatism is a collection of things, a cabinet of curiosities, and reports from explorations on things, by Gary Llama.

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